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Halloween (2018)

21/10/2018 · by Joy

WARNING: Not a spoiler-free review.

This was an unexpected, long-awaited occurrence which surprised me in many ways and swooped in like a miracle and fixed and erased everything I hated about the Halloween saga. I had pretty high expectations but not too high, because after all, it’s still a slasher and it’s still Halloween and the concept is… pretty easy to capture.

He’s back – Michael. She’s back – Laurie. She has a daughter who is annoying and doesn’t understand how trauma influences its victims and that when your friends are murdered by who is called the ’embodiment of pure evil,’ and you are pursued by said ’embodiment of pure evil,’ you don’t just get over it. She also has a granddaughter who conveniently loses her cell phone to a bowl of either slush or polenta, I’m not entirely sure. But really, the only two people that matter are Michael and Laurie, so it’s all good.

I was impressed with most things and there were things I was less than impressed with. For instance, the beginning scenes with the investigative journalists seemed pretty irrelevant and I mostly forgot about it by the time they left my screen. They never appeared again. It seemed like a hokey way to reintroduce Laurie Strode and to clear up “misconceptions” about the backstory (i.e., plot points that were created by the pre-existing sequels). It also seemed like a hokey way to demonstrate Michael’s existence in the asylum with the “New Loomis” (which is basically what he was). I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either.

We meet Laurie Strode once again and we find out that she has spent the last 40 years creating a home where she can feel safe – multiple locks on her front door and a kitchen island that is a powered secret entrance to her basement where she keeps an impressive collection of guns and weapons presumably for her protection. Bafflingly enough though, her house has a great number of large windows with little to no protection. Seems strange that when you’ve fought with Michael, you don’t think that one of his favourite things to do is smash through windows and grab you from behind… but okay, I’ll suspend my disbelief.

It’s evident throughout the whole film that this movie was created by a group of passionate individuals. Jamie Lee Curtis slips back into her role as seamlessly as one can. Judy Greer seemed entirely out of place and I wasn’t thrilled with anything her character did. Yes, I get it, her character is supposed to be resentful that her mother spent her entire childhood training her to protect herself against the serial killer that murdered several of her friends in 1978 – that sucks, but it’s also understandable. That’s a traumatic event, lady. The constant repetition coming out of Judy Greer’s mouth – “Get over it” – just makes her play as a callous, insensitive and unlikeable individual.

So anyway, when Laurie’s granddaughter’s graduation or whatever it was supposed to be takes place and Laurie meets them for dinner on October 30th after watching the bus depart from the cushy existence Michael has known to transfer him to a maximum security facility (why they chose to transfer him on this particular date is so beyond me…), and Laurie is understandably upset and distraught, it really grinds my gears to see her treated the way she is – with disdain and “I told you so”‘s. I mean, come on, (a) in the original Halloween, Michael is being transported to court and MICHAEL LITERALLY ESCAPES on the same date 40 years earlier in the exact same manner, thus being the incident that started it all, (b) Michael is obsessed with Laurie and will most definitely track her down if he escapes again, (c) this woman clearly has PTSD from coming face to face with a ruthless killer!!!

Anyway, so Michael escapes from the bus (obviously) and Laurie gets the cops to escort her to her daughter’s house to pick up her daughter and her family, but lo and behold, her granddaughter is not there and is totally unreachable because COINCIDENTALLY her weird, drunk, cheating boyfriend threw her phone into a strange substance and it is no longer working and she didn’t even seem to try to fish it out and save it??? But anyway, that’s a convenient plot point.

At this same time in the story, we see Michael steal his Shatner mask back from the stupid journalists, kill them, and move on to start a killing spree, sparing no one but the children. He kills Laurie’s granddaughter’s best friend and her boyfriend, he kills numerous other people – I lost count at 15 – and eventually faces off with Laurie. I won’t spoil the ending (not that this has been a spoiler-free review at all), but it’s pretty satisfying.

All in all, I had a lot of fun watching this one. There was comic relief, there were brutal murders, there was a slow-moving Michael, there were fun lighting effects, there was Jamie Lee Curtis who is obviously the highlight of the film. I really enjoyed it. I think it was a solid sequel and I think it was effective. Slashers aren’t meant to be scary, they’re meant to be fun and with that, Halloween accomplishes just that.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

24/01/2018 · by Joy

Starting off this review with a disclaimer: On the whole, I have not liked Yorgos Lanthimos’ previous films. I have seen both Dogtooth as well as The Lobster (or most of it anyway). Dogtooth I found at least somewhat intriguing and I did get through the whole film, and I really felt it had potential, however, The Lobster was the most pretentious drivel I have ever tried to watch in my entire lifetime, and I tried to sit through Chevalier at the Film Festival last year (more pretentious Greek drivel, albeit directed by someone else). So anyway, I was pretty well-equipped to turn the film off halfway through because I was fed up. I was fully and 100% prepared.

The slow-as-molasses pacing is very familiar. I got very distinct Nocturnal Animals, It Comes At Night (review coming, I promise), and of course, The Lobster vibes from it. Now, two out of three of those movies, I greatly disliked. There were differences between those 3 films at The Killing of a Sacred Deer, though, and one of the biggest ones was that I found the essence of this film to be much more ominous and much more compelling. The characters were all unsettling… probably even the ones that you’re supposed to like and feel empathetic towards, honestly. Everyone was stone-faced and completely devoid of emotion most of the time except maaaybe Nicole Kidman’s character. Kind of. The only character that really felt like he was playing the “right” role was Barry Keoghan – but the problem is, he’s supposed to be a stone-cold sociopath and the rest of the characters are not.

It wasn’t until the climactic ending that I realized this was supposed to be somewhat of a black comedy. It’s definitely not a film that you are supposed to connect or relate to — how can you, honestly? It’s bizarre and super esoteric and I have to say, I wouldn’t venture to watch it a second time. I mean, it wasn’t like, a struggle to get through it, but it wasn’t an enjoyable ride either.

The one thing I can and will gladly say is that the cinematography was on point. Some of the shots were just absolutely gorgeous. I don’t know, I don’t even really know what my opinion of this one is because it was just such a… strange movie. I didn’t come out thinking, “what a waste of 2 hours of my life,” but I also didn’t come out thinking, “that was wonderful, I am a changed person” so I guess it’s just kind of… “meh.” Not a total flop, but kind of disappointing… not a great success, but definitely there was ‘something’ there.

The Open House (2018)

21/01/2018 · by Joy

First and foremost, I feel like I should apologize for the hiatus. I know I have literally zero regular readers, and I’ve never had a very consistent posting schedule, but I still feel guilty since my last post was in October!

A new year means a new, fresh spreadsheet of movies. I failed at keeping track of the films I watched last year in about April, so I’m hoping to keep a full list this year. But anyway, enough rambling and on with the show… the show that ultimately leads… nowhere?

I wasn’t necessarily excited nor did I have high hopes for The Open House. It’s a Netflix original that just aired and it stars Dylan Minnette of 13 Reasons Why fame. To be honest, I wasn’t overly impressed with his performance in 13 Reasons Why either. I found him to be a pretty flat stage presence and I think that carried over to The Open House as well, which isn’t really boding well for his career (although, I will say he was okay in Don’t Breathe).

The film started out okay, if not a little cliche – with a jolting death and a quick change of scenery. Our two main characters, a teenager and his mother, relocate to their relative’s mountain home which is a gorgeous, if not creepy, abode. Pretty basic plot, creepy things happen until suddenly *spoiler* things aren’t happening anymore. That pretty much sums up the entire film, actually. It was a whole lot of slow, ambling, “ooh, spooky” moments that feel like they’re leading up to something big, something earth-shattering, and then… nothing. I was let down! I was ready, I was prepared for some kind of justice, and justice I did not get.

It was just uninspired and unoriginal. It was nothing that we haven’t seen before, that’s for sure. There was no character development and there was no basis upon which to build a connection with any of the characters either. It was confusing, it was stale, it was unimaginative. I definitely would not watch this again or recommend it to anyone. I didn’t hate it, I just… was so disappointed.

A Cure for Wellness (2016)

11/06/2017 · by Joy

A Cure for Wellness had me intrigued right from the get-go. When I saw the ratings coming in as less than appealing, I was sort of let-down but not enough to deter me entirely. So what did I do? I bought it when I saw it at the local pawn shop without viewing it first. Makes sense to me.

Luckily, I don’t regret it. Sure, the film I found had flaws. It was about 45 minutes longer than it needed to be. The ending was less than satisfying. The ‘twist’ was relatively predictable. But those visuals. Ooh, those visuals. I was so incredibly blown away by the cinematography and the visual effects. I can’t even describe them. They used symmetry and wide shots of the Alps to the very best of anyone’s abilities. The consistent use of the colour blue induces a lulling sense of security amid the unease evoked by the bizarre actions of the vast majority of the characters.

I feel like A Cure for Wellness is one of those films that is just so masterful in some aspects that you can let the flawed story kind of… go, because watching for the dialogue, the acting, and the visuals is enough to carry it. It was definitely enough to keep me intrigued and to make sure that I didn’t feel like I’d wasted 2 1/2 hours of my life. There are so many horror cliches and period film cliches, it almost feels like Verbinski is trying to give a less than subtle nod to those effects we’ve seen a thousand times before.

In sum, I really enjoyed A Cure for Wellness and I’m happy I have it in my collection. It requires a bit of a time dedication and I know it’s not going to appeal to everyone, but I think for those who have a certain appreciation for the visual aspects of film, it will be a treat. Give it a shot!

Willow Creek (2013)

26/05/2017 · by Joy

I will be the first to admit it: I love found footage. Well. I mean. I love found footage that’s done well. Well, I love found footage that’s done at least decently (or better). The Blair Witch Project, the Paranormal Activity series, [REC], Trolljegeren, Cloverfield, The V/H/S series… need I go on?

Willow Creek follows two main characters, boyfriend & girlfriend, Jim and Kelly, as they drive down to Willow Creek, California, to hunt for Bigfoot in Bigfoot country itself. Jim very much believes in the Bigfoot, but Kelly is a skeptic, so of course, one of them has to be wrong (spoiler alert: It’s Kelly).

Willow Creek did a great job of showing little and creating a ton of suspense and tension. There is a scene that has to be around 20 minutes long with no cuts where both characters are literally just sitting in their tent in the dark with only the camera’s light and each other for comfort, listening to the sounds happening around them. After a lot of build-up, tree-knocking, and whooping, everything reaches a climax very rapidly, and to be honest, I love the pacing of this movie. It’s a slow-burn, but it’s a slow-burn that was done really well and it’s not SO slow that you get bored in the middle. I read a review by Scott Weinberg, I believe, that said it’s the best Bigfoot film out there, and I’d have to agree, although truthfully, I haven’t seen any other Bigfoot films… ever.

After the film was over (I watched it for my second viewing experience with my boyfriend, David, and my dad while we visited him in his hometown which is a pretty… woodsy area, so we were a little bit freaked out), we ended up Youtube-ing Bigfoot sightings and finding this gem which I now feel I need to share with everyone I know… so with that, watch Willow Creek and enjoy:

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016)

18/04/2017 · by Joy

After hearing nothing but good things about The Autopsy of Jane Doe, my interest was pretty well piqued and I couldn’t resist anymore. I had to watch it. So I rented it digitally on the Google Play store and settled in to enjoy a movie that has been hailed on RottenTomatoes as “nearly flawless” and “chilling,” expecting what everyone’s been describing. I don’t know if I was watching a different film or… maybe I saw, like, the director’s cut or something? I don’t know. I really don’t know. But it was anything but chilling and definitely no masterpiece.

They had a really good premise – a woman is found in a basement of a house where a horrific crime has taken place, buried in the dirt (but surprisingly unsoiled and sans decomposition, like at all). Everyone else in the house is covered in blood and viscera and this woman is there, dead, in the dirt in pristine condition. So what do they do? Take her to the local funeral home where a man and his son perform autopsies for the Sheriff’s office. Everything is going fine until they start to uncover disturbing findings and supernatural happenings are about, including, of course, the death of their cat, Stanley. Let me tell you, the whole “killing the family pet because they don’t want to kill a main character but we need to do something that will unsettle and disturb you” thing is getting reaaaaaaaally old. It doesn’t make me scared, it just makes me feel less sympathy for the owners of these pets because, you know, they leave them outside overnight or they let them wander or something stupid like that. Poor Stanley… we hardly knew ye.

Anywho. I found nearly all of the characters in this film dull and incessantly annoying, especially the son played by Emile Hirsch. Every 2 seconds, he had a question for which the answer was entirely too obvious. This kid has no critical thinking skills, whatsoever. I swear to god, at one point I was like, if he says, “Is that what killed her?” ONE MORE TIME, I will throw the remote at the TV. The father, the actual coroner, was slightly more clued in, but only slightly. These two together, underground, in a coroner’s office that is truly not up to code (I mean, come on, it has one entrance that is a cellar door and an elevator, that’s just ridiculous!)

The reason behind the “haunting” is silly. The acting was poor except for the body of Jane Doe because she literally just laid there and did a damn fine job of it. The effects were super-cool, but that’s really all that kept me going. I didn’t want to keep watching because it just seemed to get dumber and dumber and I felt myself losing IQ points watching this father-son duo bumble around, not entirely sure what they’re supposed to be doing. I was truly disappointed and having read numerous positive reviews for the film, I don’t see what they’re seeing. It was average and lackluster at its best moments and horrendous at its worst moments. I think I’ll pass on owning this one on Bluray, that’s for sure.

Get Out (2017)

23/02/2017 · by Joy

When I see a movie that has been reviewed 94 times on Rotten Tomatoes and it’s still sitting at a score of 100%… colour me intrigued. I mean, I was intrigued already because a horror/thriller film written by Jordan Peele??? Not only written, but directed, as well!? This could go very very well, or it could go very very poorly. It was… weird, bizarre and Stepford-esque. It was… satirical. It was… something… something that I very much enjoyed. It takes a lot to get me genuinely creeped out in a movie. I won’t say scared, because I wasn’t scared, per se, but I was genuinely freaked out. Maybe because while the concept that this movie is based on isn’t entirely based in reality, it’s juuuust on the precipice of “not that far-fetched” for me to go, “whoa, okay.”

The racial undertones (if you can really call them “under”-tones as they’re pretty blatantly obvious) are clever and satirical and Peele uses great finesse to make a movie that is so unsettling because of it’s roots in reality all around us.

Barring the racial themes, Get Out is actually an intelligent thriller film that isn’t overly cliche. I mean, I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a horror, even though it was pretty horrifying. It’s one of those hard to place movies that doesn’t really fit in any one category. If nothing else, it is unforgettable. I don’t want to go into it too too much because I really feel like if you’re reading this, you need to see this one. It was so many shades of “WTF,” I can’t even begin.

Final review (I’m rambling): Jordan Peele came out of the directing woodwork on fire… I am truly impressed. The acting was spot-on (Betty Gabriel knocks it out of the park, especially). It acts as a social commentary, chilling thriller, with hints of comedy to keep you breathing throughout. I will own this movie. I must add it to my collection!

As Above, So Below (2014)

13/11/2016 · by Joy

I took a while to work up the courage to watch this one. I have a bad habit of looking up the reviews for films before I watch them and sometimes basing whether I watch them or not ON those reviews. This one currently has 25% on RottenTomatoes, but the premise seemed super-interesting to me, so David and I took a risk… took the plunge… and we did it! We watched it! And we survived!

Honestly, 25% to me is heinously low. We started it when I was supposed to leave at 11:30. 11:30 rolled around and there was still 30 minutes left and I couldn’t drag myself away! I was totally sucked in. Absorbed, even.

I mean, the story is a little bit lackluster, sure. But what story do you really need when your setting is the catacombs beneath Paris? Does anyone really care what the set up is for the film? It’s pretty dumb and it leaves a lot to be desired, but anyway, our main character Scarlett (2 PhDs and a Master’s and also looks like she’s like, 28) wants to enter the Paris catacombs to find the Philosopher’s Stone. She drags along her cameraman, Benji and her friend, George, and they find some locals who know their way around the catacombs like the backs of their hands. I definitely felt like I was watching a spin-off of The DaVinci Code combined with the claustrophobic setting of The Descent. I’m a super claustrophobic person and yet, I really didn’t find the claustrophobia scenes all that disturbing.

What I found really effective was the isolation. They basically go through a small hole to get to this area of the catacombs that tourists don’t normally get to see, their entryway collapses, and they’re pretty much trapped. That horrifies me.

The film is fueled by stupid characters who blatantly disregard warning after warning, dying off one by one, but rest assured, this is no pessimistic ending. It really takes advantage of the setting it has to work with and the villains are mostly hidden, which is a breath of fresh air for the found footage genre, I feel.

I really liked it and would have given it at least a 70%. I will likely buy this one to watch next Nanasween!

The Loved Ones (2009)

26/10/2016 · by Joy

I have anticipated watching this film for a really long time, but trying to get David to watch it has been quite the task. Trying to describe it to him has only furthered his reluctance to sit down with me and actually watch it. When you hear “this is a movie about prom night gone awry” you don’t immediately think “fantastic horror,” those two phrases don’t normally go hand-in-hand. I went into watching The Loved Ones with high expectations. Rotten Tomatoes has given it a certified fresh rating of 98% with an audience score of 74% – those are steep numbers to live up to. I’d have to say, though, it definitely succeeded! I am genuinely and thoroughly impressed!

To be fair, it’s riding a very, verrryyy thin line between gory shock killings and torture porn… I mean very thin. Think more hardcore than Saw but less hardcore than Tokyo Gore Police. …maybe that’s a little broad. Either way, it is not for the faint of heart or the squeamish, there’s a looot of blood spewed and shed. And it’s not without it’s minor issues – the pacing is all over the place and there is some ultra-cheesy dialogue – but the acting is surprisingly wonderful, the main character (Lola) played by Robin McLeavy is surprisingly terrifying in her insanity, and it’s relentlessly brutal.

It is Sean Byrne’s directorial debut and that shocked me when I learned it because it’s very well done technically and it’s well-written and it’s unsettling. I was invested in the “victim” and I was rooting for a safe outcome, which usually I’m pretty against because happy endings are boring and overdone!

All-in-all, this is one that I want to add to my collection pretty much immediately and will probably go on the October movie marathon roster next year.

Lights Out (2016)

09/10/2016 · by Joy

Lights Out was the perfect embodiment of a mediocre horror film. It used all the typical horror movie tropes (creepy basements, anyone?) and hit all the right notes for a semi-plausible and wholly horrifying creature. At times, the acting was corny, especially from our main character, Becca, who I couldn’t help but compare to a blonde Kristen Stewart (who maybe, sort of, almost emotes more).

It’s a decent enough film with plenty of jump scares to get those easily gotten, but it just wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Everybody’s scared, to some degree, of the dark… the foreboding… the unknown. There’s so many places that Sandberg could have gone with that, but in the end, he basically just made a film that said that people with depression should totally kill themselves. Good… job? I can only assume that’s the reason that he’s gone about making a sequel that was announced the same month that this film hit box offices – because he done fucked up.

You could call Lights Out a ghost story, but really, our antagonist is no ghost. She’s something far creepier, something that only comes about in the dark. I found that impressive, actually, that they actually explained why the creature could only approach in the dark – they actually gave a somewhat logical reason behind it. That’s a nice change, instead of just saying, “oh ghosts only happen at night time” – WHY do ghosts only happen at night time?

Diana is one of the scariest paranormal entities in a long while, I think… on par with Valak, who was a pretty darn spooky nun. I think Lights Out is indeed worth a watch (or two, in my case) and I’m intrigued to see the sequel, especially since they seemed to wrap up the loose ends pretty damn well at the end of it all. Where can they go from here? We’ll see…

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